Cool or Uncool?

If you are a troubled teen, please watch this hip and informative public service announcement from your friends at Weak Nights.

 Rat Tail Roast

The phrase ‘all good things must end,’ has rarely been truer than when applied to Darren’s rat tail. Please enjoy Weak Nights’ friendly farewell roast of this beloved baby ponytail.

 Don’t Pass Go: Scrabble

Myles and Kelsey love board games. Listen to the first episode of their new podcast, in which Myles thoroughly schools Kelsey at Scrabble.

Thanks to: Irene Hernandez for providing the sound proofing; Katie McMurran for the amazing recording and editing job; and to Julianne Freund for the fantastic intro and outro music.

And now, please, enjoy…

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

 Websites I’d Be Into Right Now If They Didn’t Heavily Violate Various Decency Protocols

ShitOnMyNubs.vom

niddsnudds.vom

RainbowBrite.com/LettersFromBrite/i_will_thank_you_to_go_fuck_yourself.html

Allyourbuttssuck.whaaa

AlistairPennywhistlesThrashtasticMetalMoments.org

foxnews.com

England.Country/America.html

FreePizzaForSpazzoidsAndOthersAlso.piz/Sorry/Thanks/help.html

Flatty-boobsAndFriends.special.friend.biz

ChingChongMyNubs.com

ItsAMennoniteThing.wiz/aboutus/ephraim.html

CulturedGentleLadyWithClass.com/aboutme/modest_profile.dickshit.txt

Burqafuckfest.cumbiz

WhoKilledBojangles?.com

Flatty-boobsAndFatty-boobs.org/Save_The_Flatty_And_The_Fatty.txt

RoryPendergrass.org/other_tools/newt_gingrich/secret_files2/torture_porn/bonus/
double_extra_bonus/password?=supersexybeatdown

 Child Protective Services Just a Bunch of Haters

Eleven babies, eleven reasons why the state gotta show up and ruin my Tuesday.  Some of these ain’t even that bad:

• Used baby to squeegee a windshield
• Put baby in dryer to fight static cling
• Got 6-inch Gangsta Dizzy Devil tattoo on baby to test it out before I got it
• Baby clackin’ around when it crawls on the tile because of 3 ” nail tips on hands and feet
• Tried to trade baby for Magic Mountain season pass
• Tied “Chinese Go Home” sign to baby, set it on City Hall steps
• Made baby drink a liter of diet soda & used stream of piss like super soaker on social worker
• Dressed baby in hot tortillas
• Accused baby of being the real killer in court
• Used baby to train killer instinct in my cousin’s pit bull
• This:

 She said as she twirled her mustache

Anything?

 These Aren’t Very Good.

A girl in my neighborhood recently “decorated” the sidewalk with some chalk “art.” As you can see below, they aren’t very good.

What is this supposed to be? An apple? I hope it’s an apple. Let’s just give her the benefit of the doubt and say it’s an apple. Because it it’s not an apple, then I don’t even know what to tell you.

There are no words.

Except these: it’s a dragon crawling out of an interdimensional wormhole while puking a rainbow.  Or, more likely, it’s merely the mediocre, nonsensical scribblings of someone who shouldn’t quit her day job.

Note the backwards ‘4′ and ‘5′. I don’t know what this person was trying to accomplish, but perhaps she actually set out to become an embarrassment to her family, to her environs and especially to herself. In which case, job well done.

 Cinema Minute: Elephant

Darren and Helen discuss the finer points of Gus Van Sant’s Elephant, a modern reinterpretation of Disney’s Dumbo.

 Only 70 Maniacs Remain Following Bloody Battle Against 10,000 Berserkers

 I’LL THANK YOU NOT TO USE TWITTER TO SPOIL THE OUTCOME OF WAIT, WAIT DON’T TELL ME

Come on, man, I look forward to that show all week and the best weeks are when Paula Poundstone is on the panel. And it’s well known that Paula never wins the game, except at the exhibition matches they broadcast when they take a vacation. This week I could have enjoyed the suspense of wondering if she would maintain the lead she had going into the Lightning Fill-in-the-Blank Round, but that was all moot because of you. It’s fine to Tweet about the show, just be less specific with your 140 char. I know it’s not The Sixth Sense or anything but I still enjoy the drama, or I would if it weren’t for you. You a-hole, I bet you don’t even pledge.

 McRib

This film brought to you by popular demand.

 I only have one question.

Which was the afterthought: condoms, Plan B, In-n-Out or McDonalds?

 Crispy

A thoughtful exploration of modern romance and crispy perms.

 Meanwhile at the gym

So my nose started bleeding while I was pumping some serious iron today, and I went to the locker room to get some paper towels. Once inside, I saw something that will haunt me for the rest of my days: a completely nude, old, overweight man bent over using an automatic hand dryer to BLOW-DRY HIS ASSHOLE.

 SHRED CITY

The Shreds, a local skateboarding gang, maintain order in a city full of punks. In this episode: new kid Corey wants to join the gang, but first the Shreds must face a threat from the dangerous and sexy roller wench, Queen Baby.