The sign in the window of Crepes To Go states:

IGNORANCE and STUPIDIT[Y] is a CRIME.[sic] We hate CRIMINALS and don’t hide our hate and contempt for THEM.

Given their anti-stupidity policy, I decided not to embarrass the proprietor when I paid for my $6 crepe with a $10 bill and he handed me back two fives.

Rear Admiral Blue Balthmat (Ret.) say hello to your replacement, Pvt. 1st Class White Bathmat.

If you enjoyed the ultraviolence of rapist and thug Alex in Stanley Kubrick’s Clockwork Orange, wait til you see what Hightower, Tackleberry, and the rest of the police academy are up to in Police Academy 6: City Under Siege!  Featuring Michael Winslow as Sgt. Larvelle Jones.

What did Richard Nixon say when his soufflé fell? “I am not a cook!”

What did Richard Nixon say to the contractor working on his kitchen? “Build me a breakfast nook!”

What did Richard Nixon say when he walked out of The Da Vinci Code? “Wasn’t as good as the book.”

What did Richard Nixon say to Deep Blue, IBM’s chess-playing computer? “Knight takes rook.” “Checkmate.”

What did Richard Nixon say to the worm? Look, reader, you can probably finish
this one yourself.

What did Richard Nixon say to offend the Chinese man? He was on a mission of diplomacy to open up trade between the U.S. and China and would try not to offend the Chinese man.

What did Richard Nixon say to the star of Suddenly Susan? “I loved you in Blue Lagoon, Brooke.”

What did Richard Nixon do to protect his eyes during the solar eclipse? He didn’t look.

What did Richard Nixon do in the Northridge earthquake of 1994? Nothing, he was dead.

Area man Jared Klomptz has achieved the amazing feat of memorizing Pi — an infinite string of numbers with no repeating pattern — to an astonishing five places.

“3.14159″ Jared effortlessly recited to awed observers at his local bar.

When asked about his first exposure to Pi, Jared recalled geometry classes in high school. “Memorizing the first two places [3.14] was easy. But I asked myself, ‘Is it possible to memorize even more?‘”

It was later in college that Klomptz was able to master the next three digits as part of a pre-Calculus course, remembering Pi to an astonishing precision of one 100,000th. “For most people, remembering Pi as 3 is good enough, but not me. I wanted to get very precise answers, so memorizing those six digits should be enough to accurately find the area of a cone, the surface of a sphere, or even the ratio of a circle to its diameter.”

When asked about his future plans, Klomptz had no further ambitions to memorize more of the enigmatic number. “Maybe I’ll learn more as a party trick or something, but I think I’ve already stretched the boundaries of human memory.” He said adding, “I think the next digit is a two.”