“Why I no gotta a pan handle? It’s a smooth down there… not like-a a real boy.”

Every morning on the way to my very prestigious job, I pass by a certain chain pharmacy store with massive photos in the windows.  And every morning, I wonder what the people in those photos are thinking.  I may have figured it out.

When you were little, all you wanted was to be a doctor.  Nothing was going to stand in your way.  You had a dream.  You would achieve your dream.  The equation was so simple.  But you’re not a doctor, you’re a lab tech and your childish hopes seem so far away.  So silly.  When you were a child, you thought as a child.  But now you’re an adult and dreams don’t pay the bills.  Your job at this chain pharmacy store pays the bills.  Just get through your shift, don’t wonder where you went wrong, don’t ask how this became your life.  There are no answers.  There are only chain pharmacy stores.

You need something, just this photo, to remember the time you’ve spent together.  To prove that it wasn’t some beautiful, confusing dream.  It’s all happening too fast.  You’ve never felt this way before, but you shouldn’t let it go any farther.  You can’t let it go any farther.  It will ruin you both.  You have families!  You have lives!  Are you just going to throw that all away on a whim?  On a crush?  On a phase?  But you’ll fake a smile and take the photo anyway. Sometimes, late at night, when no one is home, you’ll take it out of the box you pushed wayyy back under the bed, and you’ll remember the sound of her laugh, how her hair smelled, how you felt when you walked into a room and saw her look up at you.  And then you’ll wipe your tears and put the photo away.  You’ll remind yourself that life isn’t so bad, really.  The house is almost paid off.  You got those new snow tires.  And you’ll make up an errand for yourself–didn’t I need… something from that chain pharmacy store down the street–to get out of the house, to get some air, to pretend to forget.

Call me a square, but I fail to find the humor in pipe bombs.

Don’t miss the 17 and older event of the late Fall! Doors at 5pm, show starts at 6pm. $5 admission* See you at the Russian Folk and Community Center this Saturday! Your parents are NOT welcome (unless you are in one of the bands).

Shonda for the Goyim hail from the South Robertson area of Los Angeles, where they once met Matisyahu’s cousin at a Purim play. After graduating from the School of Hard Knocks with double majors in Breaking the Rules and Keeping it Real, they recorded their first hip hop album “Fermisht on the Streets”. Fermisht, was tolerated, if not well-received, by family member and Shul-mate alike, as long as it was played at a modest volume and not too late at night, because Oy Vey your poor grandmother, she’s just trying to get A LITTLE bit of sleep and doesn’t she deserve AT LEAST that after the life SHE’S had, with Uncle Shlomo marrying that S-H-I-K-S-A and the mishagoss with Aunt Rochel and her … roommate. Shonda for the Goyim play at various clubs and Bar Mitvahs around Los Angeles, but never on Friday.

The Ginger Kids may have grown up north of Montana in Santa Monica, but they possess the chafing, imprisoned souls associated with a much lower tax bracket. Functionally orphaned at an early age by a mother and father who cared only for booze before 10 am and executive producing The Next Big Thing respectively, The Ginger Kids started smoking cloves, listening to Joy Division and cultivating pathos at an early age. By the time their parents had paid enough for a private high school (with the right bona fides) to write their names in calligraphy on a diploma, The Ginger Kids had decided that not needing to work for money (ever) wasn’t going to get in the way of their music. Their first album No Concept, is available in exchange for a 6 pack of PBR and a carton of Parliaments. Your mom.

The Tomatones originally met at a Campus Crusade Cassette Burning in Costa Mesa. Hungry after disposing of corrupting, sinful music collections, The Tomatones decided to go grab some pizza at South Coast Plaza and get to know each other better. It wasn’t long before they realized how much they had in common. Not only were they frequently promising themselves that THAT was FOR SURE the last time they would ever touch themselves… you know, down there (ahem), they also felt called by The Spirit to spread His word through the most sanctified form of musical worship: Christian Ska. Come on down for some praise skanking with The Tomatone next month at Biola University’s Annual Please Jesus Let Us Get Accredited Festival.

*We accept Nigerian currency

I just wanna drive my boat.

Have you heard? Hollywood Blvd is tenderly cradling a brand new tourist attraction in its seedy bosom. That’s right, the construction project on Orange and Hollywood that took 8 short years is finished and it’s–drumroll please–Madame Tussaud’s Wax Museum! (And possibly some other crap that will last 5 months before replaced by some other crap that will also last 5 months.)

Unfortunately, it costs money to go into Madame Tussaud’s and wax is stupid anyway (am I right?), so I spent last Saturday wandering amongst the bronze statues in front of the Academy of Television Arts and Sciences trying to figure out who the hell those busts were supposed to be. See how well you do…

Mystery Bust #1

Clue:  I’m a lady and I’m gay and it’s in your best interest to do whatever I say. Let’s just leave it at that, shall we? Alright.

Mystery Bust #2

Clue: I am cool, super cool, West Coast cool. When they cut me open toward the end of my life, I was so full of cancer, the Dr.s just closed me back up, handed me my lighter and pointed me in the direction of a good funeral home.

Mystery Bust #3

Clue:  I twalk wike wiss.

Answers after the jump. Continue reading →

The ‘ol workload was light today, so I decided to organize my computer files. These are some of the photos I saved at some point (don’t remember when) for some reason (don’t remember why) to my computer at work.

Carrot Top and the Carters

Untitled Menagerie

Plastic Food in Japanese Restaurant Window

This lady.

Fruit

I just received a fascinating, if nearly unintelligible, email about opportunities for employment (I think) in Canada (?).  It seems like sex work or something in l’music industry (unclear).  I figured I’d pass this along in case any of you are looking for work as an obvious engine for the fight against poverty or feel your home country is without fixed use of being able to touch with reality.  Qualifications are vague and largely limited to being old, having relational good qualities and to have a good morality.  I’m sure Lily wouldn’t mind if you cribbed her covering letter in the name of wishing to postulate to work.  Good luck!

Welcome frameworks, and Graduates,

With the aim of fight against the clandestine voyage, poverty, to promote l’ employment and with l’ African integration with the process of universalization, the CANADIAN government launches a project called CIC CITIZENSHIP AND CANADA IMMIGRATION After a long dynamic study of the phenomenon of poverty in the countries in the process of development in particular the countries d’ Africa, of the Caribbean and peaceful, in collaboration with the CANADIAN government and the plan with length of the CANADIAN Ministry for Foreign Affairs this program takes birth and wants to be an obvious engine for the fight against poverty and the promotion of l’ real integration of l’ Africa

For this purpose all people wishing to postulate to work or continue the studies in CANADA are the welcome. We seek above all the people able without distinction of sex which will be able s’ to adapt to our work environment.

The hand d’ work being rare here in Canada we had opened our market towards the rest of the world in order to allow the graduates d’ other countries which are without fixed use of being able to touch with reality.

Hereafter all information which you will need to forward to us your candidature.

CONDITIONS TO FILL FOR ANY PERSON INTERESTS – To be old (E) between 25 and 58 years – To be titular at least Professional BEPC or other Diplomas – To know to speak French or l’ English – To have relational good qualities – To have a good morality

CANDIDATES’ FILES – A covering letter in which you mention the goal of your immigration. – Curriculum vitae (CV) quite detailed – A birth certificate or any other attested part being able your identity – Diplomas obtained – A photograph d’ identity – Your passport for checking of your availability to travel. – In the case where you n’ in do not have passport announce it to you in your covering letter sothat we can help you to return in possession of this last.

Moreover after study of files and if your request were accepted we will be able to provide you required documents which will follow your Canadian ground immigration. These documents will be delivered to you within a time returning within the framework of your immigration and this by mail DHL at your current address.

DOCUMENTS 1- Your chart of residence 2- Your work permit 3- Your certificate d’ lodging 4- Your insurance life and family 5- Your Canadian visa 6- Your ticket d’ plane

Faith Hill was not the Talking Heads.