The Lost Travel Memoirs of Helen Harlan (Paris 1992)

EDITOR’S NOTE: The following entries are transcribed from the recently discovered travel diary of Weak Nights’ own Helen Harlan. As best we can tell, they cover a few days’ reflections of her family’s trip to France in the Summer of 1992.

July 18,1992
Place: En route to San Francisco

Yo Baby,

I am barely awake. It’s around 7am but it’s worth the struggle because we’re going to Paris. I sure hope they play a good movie on the flight because I can’t survive a flight with some movie like Death on a United Flight Going To France.

Aloha,

Helen

July 18,1992
Place: Airplane en route to Paris

Yo Baby,

This airplane is okay. They’re going to play some movie called Final Analysis. Sounds stupid but it will give us something to do. The stewardess said they will also play Noises Off. I wonder if the food will be moderately edible ‘cause I couldn’t stand another regulation airplane meal. Sue’s being a brat. It’s probably P.M.S. This will be a ten-hour flight in which we fly nine hours into tomorrow. I hope we get to Crabtree and Evelyn in France. There isn’t one in Sac, just San Fran but that’s too far away.

Caio,

Helen

July 18,1992
Place: Airplane en route to Paris

It’s around 5:00pm in California. Dad says that we aren’t even half way there. The meal was surprisingly good. All five of us had steak which came with potatoes, mixed vegetables, cheese and crackers, carrot cake and bread and butter. There was also a small chocolate square. They have yet to play the movie.

Later,

Helen

July 19, 1992
Place: Paris, France, 2:30PM

Yo Baby,

The movies on the plane were both very good. Noises Off was so funny Dad took my earphones away because I laughed so loud. We did all the airport stuff and finally made it to the apartment. There was a gal who looked about 23 who helped us. Her name was Mimi. Although she was very nice she could have used a good shower and underarm shave.

NO DATE

Writing from an outhouse somewhere downtown. Nothing new just wanted to write. My sister is being charged four bucks to pee. Dad is P.O.’d. My feet hurt.

NO DATE

I’m back. It’s probably around 3:30pm or somewhere close to that. I am in the kitchen alone while everyone else is just being lazy. Our apartment has about nine or so rooms in it. Here is a diagram: [OMITTED]. Never mind, I can’t draw one. There are two bedrooms and one fold-out. To be completely honest I didn’t want to stay here in the beginning but now I like it. We took a long walk today. I had to squint my eyes because the sun hurts through my glasses. We got bread. Mom wants a foot rub so I’ll tell you about dinner later.

July 20, 1992
Place: Paris, France

I didn’t write last night because we all crashed when we came back from dinner. The waitress was a total female dog. She trudged around like she was carrying rocks. The food was terrible to top it off. Today we went food shopping. I loaned Dad one-hundred francs for the food. He says he’ll pay me back.

July 20, 1992
Place: Paris, France

Today we went to the Eiffel Tower. It was true and utter hell. It was so damn hot. The air is damp. There were probably about forty-billion people who crowded into one elevator. I could hardly breathe. The pollution here is almost like L.A. I hope I don’t spend all my money too soon. Tomorrow we better be going to Crabtree and Evelyn where I will probably buy some hair crap.

EDITOR’S NOTE: At this point, after only three days of journaling on what is believed to have been a three-week trip, Ms. Harlan’s memoirs comes to an abrupt end. It is unknown why she chose to stop writing. It is also unknown whether she ever made it to Crabtree and Evelyn.